The Family Bed

This is dedicated to all you Closet Co-Sleepers out there who are afraid to come out!

How did our Family Bed start? Our firstborn son was a very good baby as well as being a very intense little human being from the time he was born. But the one thing he wasn’t very good at was sleeping though. And of course, if he didn’t sleep neither did I. As I said before he was a happy baby for the most part but when he was fussy or mad it was hard. Other’s told me I better not give in to him. So one day I put him in the crib to go to sleep and he screamed. He screamed so hard that he vomited all over the place. I bathed him and then he ended up right next to me in bed between my husband and I.

My husband and I both really enjoyed having our son in bed with us. There is nothing better then staring at a sleeping angel faced baby or cuddling with your child. He paved the path for his brothers. They all ended up in our bed.

The Family bed or co-sleeping is widely accepted in many countries. Of course, many people think of the family bed as a third world practice because in many places it was done because of economic reasons whereas there only may be one bedroom in the entire living quarters.

Here in the United States a majority of the time it comes down to a personal choice for your family. And it doesn’t become problematic if both parents are okay with the arrangements. That was the case in my marriage.

Yet if you listen to some “professionals” they deem the family bed as creating higher odds to incestuous relationships. I don’t believe that to be true because no matter the sleeping arrangements a sicko is a sicko.

The late Robert Mendelssohn was an interesting American pediatrician who criticized his own profession and the public school system said it best on The Phil Donahue show when confronted by mental health specialists who feared the family bed would lead to sexual encounters between children and parent. He sarcastically agreed that “psychiatrists should not take their children to bed with them, but it is quite alright for everyone else!”

I have to agree. I myself, slept with my mom from age three to ten. Of course, my circumstances were different due to the death of my dad. Since, my mom was widowed at age twenty four we moved in with my grandparents therefore, we had to share a bedroom. I never gave it much thought till I attended a workshop given by a social worker at the public school a few years ago. He stated the family bed fosters dependency, insecurity, low self-esteem, separation anxiety, and problematic future love relationships. This all coming from an unmarried childless man with a few degrees. Okay so I don’t have any degree but I challenged him. I stated that I was the exact opposite of the picture that he painted. An extremely independent, very secure, woman with high self-esteem who was married for eighteen years at the time. He said I was an exception to the rule. I beg to differ.

Other people seem to believe the family bed will hinder a couple from lovemaking. It is actually quite the opposite because sometimes you need to become creative or leave your standard sleeping quarters. This may even lead into an exciting or funny story.

Oh, did I mention that although we have a family bed that my children also still have their own rooms? And I like to decorate so each one is uniquely themed! So I decided to decorate my youngest son’s room in the “Big Dog” theme. You know the different breed dogs with the EXTRA-LARGE heads. So the room is chocolate brown with white furniture and white shelving. The comforter set and window valances are white and have these different brown shaded breeds of dogs with extra large heads on them. I even found matching furniture knobs and stuffed animals that I keep neatly arranged on his bed.

So one night our three sons were sleeping in our bed and we decided to sneak away to our youngest child’s room. Our friend Michaela was sleeping in the spare bedroom better known as “HER” room since she spends every summer with us when she is on vacation from where she lives, Switzerland.

So we enter the room very quietly and next thing you know we are fooling around. In the heat of the moment, I knocked into one of the big headed stuffed dogs and he starts to BARK followed by a pant. Sort of like this, “BARK, BARK, BARK, PANT, PANT, PANT!” “BARK, BARK, BARK, PANT, PANT, PANT!” We had to control ourselves and cover our mouths from hysterically laughing.

The next morning I asked Michaela if she had heard a dog barking in the middle of the night and she said, “Yes, and I had to pee but was too scared to come out of the room.” I started to laugh! She went on to say, “I don’t even want to know!” POOR Michaela! She now refers to my husband as the dog too!

In any event, we have found our Family Bed works and that the getaways can be really entertaining and fun!
Copyrighted 2011: danadogooder and DMT


About danadogooder

Happily married for 20 years except when he is pissing me off! ' Mommy of 3 boys, a yellow female lab named Curious, 2 kitties Trouble and Kornelia, and bird and fish! Yes, we have a Zoo! Love to cook, entertain, and travel. I give new meaning to, "You can't fight city hall" Cause I fought worse, "Yes, The Board of Ed! " I live in a houseful of ADHD, Dyslexia, Auditory Processing, Sensory Integration and Allergies!!! I love being a Mom, to have fun and am always joking around! My job titles are: Wife, Mommy, Advocate, Friend, Maid, Cook, Self Employed Business Owner among many others!
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6 Responses to The Family Bed

  1. kloppenmum says:

    We began when I went back to work temporarily and our then three year old was desparate to reconnect. The only way to get some sleep was for one of us to sleep with him. We had done the cry-it-out and controlled crying thing and realised that it helped created an angry and sad boy. Now we happily bedshare – five of us in two queen sized beds. Our eldest is nine and still chooses to sleep with us most nights. We love it, and the results…calm, mature children – speak for themselves. (I also agree the sex is more creative when you have to actually pre-plan!)

    • danadogooder says:

      Thanks! We are five to a bed as well in a kingsize but I must admit it is getting a little crowded! 🙂 But our family bed has also made us a very close knit family. Thanks for reading!

  2. kloppenmum says:

    Asolutely, I love that my nine year old will still spontaneously hug me in public and that our kids light-up when they see me. I wish more people could see past what society wants and look at what their children really need.

    • danadogooder says:

      Exactly, and I can similarly say my fifteen year old always will hug and kiss me even in front of his friends in high school. How many other moms of high school boys can say that? 🙂

  3. kloppenmum says:

    …absolutely, that is. Little spelling moment.

  4. Joey (soon 5* - 0, again!) TOMASELLA says:

    Hey Dana , “Whatever works for you.”


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